Liberal: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.
Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help them at all.

Conservative:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You teach your neighbor how to work so he can buy his own cows.

Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one, but must give the other to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and provides you with milk. You must stand in line to get it. It is expensive and sour.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracies: You have two cows. The government takes them, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both, then shoots you.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Democracy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your own government.

Corporation: You have two cows. You lay one off, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.

California: You have two cows. The state tells you how to milk your cows, when to milk your cows, how much to milk your cows and the most that you can charge for the milk. You go broke and sell the cows. The state calls you greedy and blames you for the current milk shortage.

French Union
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

Japanese Corporation: You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

Got your own definitions or comments?
email me.

Hosted by Robert Dallons